Groomed Fear from Threats!

Groomed fear from “threats”

One of the first things I remember my father repeatedly saying to me in our isolated country “madhouse” was one of the most undermining thoughts I have held in the heart of my life. I now know it came so much from his own abused childhood: “Roger, never let anyone know what you truly feel. You may never know when they will use it against you!”

I stop writing and go deep into the negative power of that one thought, which I repeated to myself as a child, as a teenager, and onward into adulthood as a daily subconscious mantra. That one thought creates such internal damage in mind, body, and soul! I immediately want to counteract it with a positive affirmation: “I trust all life. All life loves and supports me.”

You see, I want to trust life and myself. I want to trust that, if I am increasingly honest in my feelings and about my story, life will heal me. I want to trust that there is truly a “divine mind”—a higher self—in all of us humans that respects truth when the power of intention is kindness, love, and truly sought forgiveness.

However, the original internalized thought from my father would say, “You’re an idiot, Roger, for expecting people to forgive and love you for being truthful.”

People might think, and possibly say to my face, that I am an idiot for being honest. Yet if fear meets fear what do you get? More fear! This is what appears to govern so much of our lives. I want this “journey to the power within” to replace fear with authentic love. When I love myself with fear, I think, What are other people saying and thinking about me? Then the ego has a field day with me.  The ego wants to survive at the expense of truth and love. This creates loneliness and isolation. My wooden counseling hut (in my back garden) rings with the history of such yells of self-blame and blames of parents, partners, children, politicians, teachers… anyone! And this is what keeps the energy stuck in guilt, and guilt seeks punishment and punishment produces disease! 

Insight: I believe boys who become men with the same type of negative affirmation that my father gave me, along with many more negative ideas planted firmly in their subconscious minds, can, on a large scale, create and attract wars, abuse, and slavery. On a smaller scale, they can attract all types of negative addictions. In addition, they are malleable in the hands of ideological fundamentalist religions and terrorist organizations that want to rule our world. Thought joins to thought. So, unless we change those destructive thoughts, our world will not be a safe place for us to love and be loveable. We men particularly need to change our conditioning. I believe we can take off our emotional and physical armor by being addicted to finding love inside ourselves, inside our hearts—mind, body and soul. I have often counseled men in particular who could have easily been fodder to violent angry organizations. Let me tell you a Hindu story:

Hiding the Secret

Many, many years ago, when the earth was young, the legends tell us that all human beings were like gods, but they became very haughty and proud, and so abused their god-like nature that Brahma, the chief god, decided to take it away from them and hide it where it could never be found. He called together a council of the lesser gods to ask their advice.

“I think we should hide it in some dark forest where human beings have never set foot,” said one. “They will never find it there.”

“Oh yes they will,” replied Brahma. “One day, every mile of the earth will be colonized by human beings. They are sure to find it in a forest.”

“Then we must bury it deep in the earth,” said another. “They will never find it there.”

“Oh yes they will,” said Brahma. “One day they will dig mines for gold and precious stones, and they will surely come across it in the earth.”

“Then we must bury it in the ocean,” advised a third. “The ocean is so vast that no human being will ever be able to explore its depths completely.”

“Oh yes they will,” said Brahma, becoming impatient with the poor advice. “One day they will build submarines and travel to the bottom of the deepest oceans. And before you suggest it, they’ll find it on the highest mountain.”

Suddenly, Brahma’s face lit up. He had an idea. “I know what we’ll do. I know where we can put it where it will never be found.”

“Where’s that?”

“Deep inside the human heart! Nobody will ever think of looking there!”