Today a film crew came to discuss a short video on promoting the book Warrior Love.
The book is my personal journey of coming out as a Polyamorous man. I love more than one woman. After 27 years married I kept secret, a series of love affairs over the last 5 years.
This hurt my partner and myself and our adult children. However as I wrote Warrior Love, I began to feel like a gay man coming out after hiding in monogamy. I could feel disapproval from a hypocritical society. I felt judged harshly and went through shame and fear. After a time of watching this self-imposed guilt, I suddenly realised self-compassion and thought all I have done is give love to people I loved. Why could I choose to beat up on me? I suspected (rightly or wrongly) my own therapist colleagues could judge me harshly through their own lack of knowledge and their own misguided prejudice.
Through the creative healing process of writing Warrior Love I read good books about Polyamory. And as I went on writing over 6 months and talking to poly people. It became clear to me, many Polyamorous people are hiding in so called monogamous marriages keeping their secret lives hidden. Yet there is a cost and for me I have lost a partner who I still love because of not being truthful.
Championing the case for coming out!
I have made a choice to champion the coming out of people who are fearful of being "found out!" I believe millions of people who have secret affairs or go from one monogamous relationship to another, are really polyamorous yet in denial. This creates I believe dis-ease of a sexual, spiritual and emotional nature. When we hold secrets about being in affairs it hurts on so many levels. Over time the secret comes out in one way or another. I want the book Warrior Love to be a positive and authentic step for all who read it, to heal their fear and their secret lives, by being brave to come out.
Who is the book wrote for?
Millions of humans who made vows "Till death us do part!" I speak to you. Many people will stay in monogamy and I am not against that, if that is what you truly want. However there are more divorces and the fallout is very costly on so many levels. So I ask why is it important to start a more informed sharing of why and how do we move out of monogamy and move towards Polyamory? Simple answer, we would I believe create a safer world for us to love each other and a much safer place for future generations to love themselves, each other, and create trust and a platform of sharing that can help dissolve jealousy.
Living longer & personal growth.
We are living longer and women are more empowered while men are still reluctant to take off their emotional armour. How many people would love to come out and admit 'I have changed and my partner cannot meet all my needs.'?
The book is intended to start deep sharing on topics like
- How do we handle jealousy, possessiveness and wanting safety and control if we become openly Polyamorous?
- How can I pluck up the courage to say to my partner I need more intimacy than you can give me and vice versa, whether emotional and/or sexual?
- How can I dare to be truthful in a sensitive way, if I do have other sexual partners.
- What are the risks of coming out?
The book clearly has a vision for us all to be warriors of love. The qualities of warrior love are:
- Loving ourselves from a place of deep respect.
- Opening ourselves to a paradigm shift in consciousness. Willing to unlearn our prejudices and negative conditioning.
- Learning compersion!! I would like the awkward word compersion to become warrior love! Where polyamorous people are not ashamed and hide. we come out as warriors of love!
What is compersion? Imagine a culture where your partner’s attraction to another created increased pleasure, joy and intimacy for you. Would jealousy be such a monumental experience of destruction? So warrior love asks each of us to look at the questions: How does jealousy affect me? And what can I do about it? Must I feel ashamed for having jealous thoughts? However, I could learn with openness and deep sharing, not to let those feelings swamp me.
Who is the book aimed at? YOU! Do read it and let me have your feedback. The book is available online or you can order through bookstores and in a kindle version. Thank you. My love & support Roger
No comments :
Post a Comment