Facing my MISTAKES.

Facing my mistakes

Let me quote Wayne Dyer, in his role in the film The Shift:

I’ve found that every spiritual advance I’ve made was preceded by some sort of a fall—in fact, it’s almost a universal law that a fall of some kind precedes a major shift.

And he adds so poignantly:

A fall can be an embarrassing event that reveals the exaggerated influence of ego has been allowed to play in one’s life.

Awareness: Guilt can make me feel inferior. Many times people have tried to manipulate me by putting me in the position of being wrong. My parents, sisters, teachers, and ex partners did that. I admit I attracted those types of relationships. I now want to explain to my grown up children that “my negative emotional patterns learnt in my childhood, has nothing to do with them and their inner worth.” It’s important how they see themselves in a positive light.

 I also realize I don’t want to live under a “cloud” of guilt with my grown-up children or with my ex-partner. If I allow guilt to control my life, I deny myself love and stay stuck, so I admit my true mistakes and honestly say, “I’m sorry,” from my heart. I now want to forgive myself and learn to be honest, open, and receptive to all love that life has to offer.

The true benefits of parting with love and forgiveness are that we will both take our capacity to love into the future, appreciating each other and ourselves from a place of expansion and unconditional love. We have so many possibilities with increased awareness and consciousness to attract what we truly want and need. We will also attract positive relationships that are honest and open. We are honoring our past love and taking good memories into the future, where we both have integrity. I want to stay friends with my ex-partner and will be there if she needs me. I see our parting as life giving us an opportunity to grow.

Choosing not to buy into fear!

Have you ever been at a place where you make out in your head that you’re bad and your shame permeates everything you see and feel and you’re losing every close relationship and everybody’s respect? Well those are victim thoughts, and victims seek to be rescued, and then they seek to blame. This is such a waste of energy! I know I need to take full responsibility for my mistakes and the hurt those mistakes have caused. However, if I put myself on the cross (or let others do it), I will not learn to heal and be self-actualized with self-compassion. I also know this is time for deep learning. I learn to be assertive and not to be bullied by others or myself. (I suggest further reading: Guiding Principles for Life Beyond Victim Consciousness by Lynne Forrest with Eileen Meagher.)

Leaving a relationship after twenty-seven years causes hurt, pain, regret, and anger. Yet with continual willpower to forgive and let go with love, huge growth, I believe, can take place—even on the subtle cellular level. When I leave people, I often say, “Take good risks.” So many of us say, “Take care.” Well, I am doing my best to put those thoughts together. I need to “take good risks” in writing this book with deep discerning wisdom. I don’t see that I am washing my “dirty laundry” in public. I see as I move forward with a positive intention that you and I can learn, and we can create a true healing on many levels. Initially, I did not welcome this inner journey. Now I welcome the inspiration of my inner calling that believes both of us, my partner and I, will grow in wisdom, trust and expand with creativity and kindness.

American spiritual teacher Vernon Howard wrote, “Disillusionment with yourself must precede enlightenment.”

I do not want to excuse myself, yet I want to make sense to myself about how I have got myself into this situation. So many people learn to lie to themselves and their loved ones. Even people who appear to have the moral high ground do this. Is lying endemic to get on and have your needs met? No!

So many of us hold secrets in our family lives and our public lives that can literally kill us; it certainly kills love. Men in highly powerful positions in politics and business have learned to lie and cover up until money markets crash and scandals of fraud are exposed. I have just come from a chance meeting with a very voluble Englishman whom I met while I was relaxing in a coffee bar here in Crete. He realized I was English. (I was wearing a green hat!) After ten minutes of talking, this man looked frightened when I asked: “What was your work before retiring?” It was just an innocent question… a common way we men talk about work! His nervous answer came;

“I used to teach Swiss bankers English in Berne.” he replied, looking over his shoulder as though really frightened. Then, in a soft tone he whispered, “I have never met such a bunch of morally corrupt people in all my life. I even got told off for introducing good ethics in my English class! All they are interested in is their rich cars and houses!” He left nervously, cycling fast down the high street, as though he was going to be assassinated!

Can we make a difference by being more open and truthful? Yes. If we are prepared to have courage, then we can inspire others to have courage to share their vulnerabilities. Which reminds me of the next story:

Starfish on the Beach

While walking along the beach one day, a young man noticed thousands of starfish had been washed up by the tide. The tide was going out, and the starfish were stranded. There was no way that they could get back to the water, and within an hour or so they would be dead.

In the distance, he noticed an elderly woman, who was picking up the starfish from the beach and throwing them back into the sea. He approached her and asked, “What are you doing?”

“I’m throwing these star fish back to the sea.”

“But why are you bothering? There are thousands of them, and what you are doing won’t make any difference,” said the young man.

“It will make a difference to this one,” said the lady as she hurled another starfish into the receding tide.

In my opinion, yes, we can learn to lie and die inside. Maybe there are millions of lies held on the beach of life, yet this lady’s example is worth following. I want to own my unfolding truth and throw myself back into the sea of life and live and become open and receptive to a vast pipeline of new possibilities. I want to teach people—especially men who are willing—to love who they are and not control or be controlled by fear and all its accompanying emotional patterns.