Deep change
This deeper change
I now face. I have come to encounter, digest, and assimilate the challenge of
my second wife and I going our separate ways and doing this with as much
kindness, wisdom, love, forgiveness, and truth as we can. I love her, yet our
ways of seeing and experiencing love and reality are not compatible.
In my first
marriage, I found it so hard to believe I could change and grow. I am not
blaming my partner. I was frightened of what others might say. I left after
twelve years of not being myself. You see, I never knew who I was. I just
reacted to survive. I did the best I knew how with the awareness I had then.
Fear paralyzed me to the point that I blamed parents, sisters, schools, church,
and most of all myself!
As my arrested
inner child dictated, all I knew was, I
must never tell the truth. People will hurt me and make me feel stupid. The
man I was then was confused, had no real self-knowledge, and was filled with
such hurt. I was on the “inner telephone,” as one of my teachers put it, so I
never really listened or learned how to live with authentic, responsible,
personal power. My chatterbox was full of self-doubt.
Sound familiar to
you? I thought, everybody else must
change before I can be free to make new choices. I became the classic
victim, and of course, my main thought was:
There is no money to be free!
I thought of all
the reasons why I could not change. The word can’t was in the forefront of my mind. Now can remains after removing the apostrophe and the t. I had no faith or trust that anything
“out there” or within me existed that would assist me in making a positive
change. I became a taker, a victim, and my own worst judge. I bored everyone
with my hard-luck story and felt sorry for myself.
DO GIVE ME FEEDBACK ON YOUR FEARS THAT STOP YOU FACING DEEP CHANGE!
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