FEAR LEARNT AS A CHILD. PRODUCED SURVIVAL NOT TRUTH OR FEELING SAFE.

Early times

From a very young age, I knew only the fear of raised voices and the violence I heard in those screams. I was the youngest of three children. My mother wanted a boy after two girls. So at least I was wanted! (Unfortunately, many clients I have worked with felt they were rejected in the womb!)

When I see a photo of myself at nine months of age, on the lawn at home, I see looking back at me a very scared little boy who was going to do his best to survive. I chose a set of parents who were in a “war marriage.” By this I mean that my father proposed to my mother when he was going off to war, which he never did. Instead, he went to Canada, where I think he met many women and realized his prowess as a sexual man; so he returned from the war, like so many men (and women) do, a very different man from the one who proposed to my mother. However, my mother was pregnant, and in those times the honorable thing had to be done.

Both parents had experienced a vast array of childhood abuse on both sides of their families, and this eventually played out in the way my sisters and I were parented  It is interesting that I have spent forty-three years of my life listening to abused men and women. Is that why I chose my parents? And they chose me? I did find this difficult to accept—the fact that I actually chose my parents. (Many metaphysical teachers now believe that’s how it happens). I do now see that my childhood experiences have assisted me in my work and hopefully helped me be non-judgmental and authentic to the hundreds of clients who chose me to unburden their stories and make sense of an old saying: “When you know the true history, everything makes sense!” It does not excuse wrong behavior of any kind, yet it can help us see the real person behind such poor actions. This reminds of the Buddhist story:

The Thief Who Became a Disciple

One evening, as Shichiri Kojun was saying his prayers, an intruder entered his house and, holding a big, sharp knife to the holy man’s throat, demanded his money or his life. Shichiri, unruffled, said to the thief, “Don’t disturb me. Can’t you see I’m busy? There’s some money in the draw over there. Take it!” Then Shichiri went on with his prayers. As the thief was stuffing the money in his pocket, Shichiri shouted. “Don’t take it all. I’ve got some bills to pay tomorrow.” The intruder, surprised at encountering such a strange response, left some money behind, and as he was leaving the house, Shichiri called after him, “Isn’t it good manners to thank a person when he gives you something?”

“Thank you.” said the thief, and off he went.

Some days later, the authorities caught the thief, and he confessed all his crimes, including his offence against Shichiri Kojun. When Shichiri was called as a witness for the prosecution he said, “As far I’m concerned, this man is no thief. I gave him the money, and he thanked me for it.” The man was jailed nevertheless, but on his release from prison he went to Shichiri and became his disciple.”

Insight: As I start to be impeccable with my word and watch what comes out of my mouth, I begin to know that I want to be a disciplined, truthful person, and I believe deep down most people want that for themselves. When we share our own vulnerabilities, a healing space is created where “unconscious behavior” becomes conscious. Then transformation can take place on physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual levels. I discover this “person-centered power within” repeatedly in self-help groups and counseling. Choice then becomes increasingly conscious