COMPERSION! What does this mean?

What is Compersion? A vital step in Warrior Love.

When I first heard that word I immediately thought of a feeling word like compassion!

When in Greece, living in a community, a Professor from Mexico explained Compersion is the “opposite experience to jealousy.” 

The term was coined by the Kerista commune as part of their philosophy of multi-partner relationships.

Here are some definitions:

“Taking pleasure or joy in the action of your partner engaging in a similar romantic or sexual relationship with another person” – Urban Dictionary

“The feeling of taking joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another.” – Polyamory Society.

“The positive feelings one gets when a lover is enjoying another relationship. Sometimes called the opposite or flip side of jealousy. This may coexist with ‘jealous’ feelings.” - Poly Or

Compersion is the “ability to turn jealousy’s negative feelings into acceptance of, and vicarious enjoyment for a lover’s joy.” – Serena Anderlini-D’Onofrio

Learning Compersion

To learn Compersion, I believe takes time and very good communication skills. Our conditioning is so much about ownership, competition, and fear of being replaced, rejection and fundamental religious feelings of going to ‘hell’!

Some people are, I believe, naturally full of compersion. For some it can be an erotic “turn on.”

I would like to hear your response to learning Compersion.

Speaking personally, I feel over time, I am learning to hold both feelings. If my lover comes and gives me more love after being with her lover, I am full of joy. Yet I can feel jealousy however not drowned by these old emotional drama feelings. 

I now feel a sense of freedom from a negative emotional pattern that I learnt so young from my mother’s anger at my father’s secret affairs that he always denied.  This drama was often played out in front of us children.

Truth about my open polyamorous nature is a vital ingredient for my ability to learn and experience Compersion.  I want any partner (primary or not) to be truthful. This I have leant the hard way!

What are your thoughts feelings and experiences around Compersion

Questions to think before COMING OUT!

Questions to ask you when thinking of COMING OUT! From Opening Up by Tristan Taormino

·      How much does your open relationship affect your daily life?

·      How might the people you love react to the announcement that you are non-monogamous?

·      How important is it that the following people know you are non-monogamous, family members, friends, co-workers, neighbours?

·      How would you feel if all or some of the above rejected you?

·      What kind of job do you have? Would being open put your job in jeopardy?

·      Do you have children? Are there potential custody issues?

·      What is the general social, political and religious climate where you live?

·      Do you have support groups especially if coming out goes badly?

Personal insight:

With hindsight I would have loved to read these questions before publishing Warrior Love.    

Press Release for launch of WARRIOR LOVE

PRESS RELEASE: www.warriorlove.org

DO I DARE TO READ WARRIOR LOVE?

The picture of a God-like muscular man with arms outstretched, standing on a slip of sand with blue sky and sea going far into the distance, is an enticing metaphor for this book that asks us human beings a revolutionary question?

“Could humanity make a huge shift in consciousness and realize we are more naturally polyamorous than monogamous?”

Reading this searching question by the author, Roger King, made my stomach feel kicked with excitement and fear at the same time.

 How dare he ask such a touchy question to my comfortable little world?

 How dare he ask me to consider a secret fantasy?

 Could I love more than one woman at the same time and be honest to both women?

 How dare he ask me to bare my soul to be open about my secret desires and fantasies? And then, in all pertinence, allow those women to also have the same freedom as me?

Yet, there was a part of me that was curious to purchase this book, to read and turn the pages. I wanted to explore how Roger came to this anti-mainstream state of honest self-disclosure.

Warrior love unfolded a warrior man who earned his stripes through 65 years of life; going through two marriages and listening to many hurt and abused souls in his profession as a counsellor.

I found the quiet revolutionary genius that had survived tough parents and years of working with ex-prisoners and the mentally unstable.

 I found a man willing to risk everything: His reputation as a therapist; his marriage; children; and the loss of respect of his friends and neighbours.

I found myself uncomfortable in his truth of “coming out” like a gay man in the 20^TH century.

I could hear the gossip of people around this contentious book; the wonderful hypocritical people who cast religious stones at people like Roger – yet have plenty of secrets to hide themselves.

I wondered, could I write such a truthful book as a critical journalist, if I separated from a hurt angry wife after almost 25 years of marriage?

 Could I admit to having secret affairs? And still love myself enough to write such an honest book?

 Could I bare all to a world media that could appreciate me one day and crucify me the next?

 Could I, a man, trust myself to be open, and become a warrior of love rather than a victim of fear? Could I dare to be me? Or will I stay safe and hidden in marriages of boredom and just cast out the Rogers of the world into a desert of crazy men?

I dare you to read WARRIOR LOVE! Come to Waterstones bookshop Wakefield on Friday 11^th April and meet Roger signing between 12-2pm.

Becoming Open To 'Open Love!'

"Warrior love is about creating a culture where it is safe to be open and honest about our ability to love openly—not hiding and hurting others and losing integrity. I ask: Can we shift in consciousness about our (apparently hard-wired) jealous feelings if our partner is attracted to someone else?

 What would our society be like if each of us took our personal power to share more openly, communicating honestly about our emotional and sexual needs, without vilification? Nearly everyone learns, in our monogamous society, that spouses have exclusive rights to each other. We are conditioned to feel that if our partner is interested in someone else we will be replaced—or that it is a personal rejection of ourselves.

Imagine a culture where your partner’s attraction to another created increased pleasure, joy and intimacy for you. Would jealousy be such a monumental experience of destruction? So warrior love asks each of us to look at the questions: 

How does jealousy affect me? And what can I do about it? Must I feel ashamed for having jealous thoughts? However, I could learn with openness and deep sharing, not to let those feelings swamp me.

The need for good male mentoring:

A news report informed us that there is an increased awareness of sex at much younger ages, and one concerning consequence of this is increasing non-consensual sex (rape) —especially around the poorer estates in cities. With [often young] men, being in a confused mind set to grab intimacy through rape, this is such a signal that there is never a better time, I suggest, for learning “warrior love”—where we teach and mentor positive ways to love our self and then love each other. 

We no longer blame anyone, especially our parents, partners, or ourselves. We dissolve our parasite of negative domestication. We become aware with active consciousness to transform our lives through fewer lies with open living. 

We learn to manage trauma, intensity, and unequal sex drives, with less jealousy and addictions. The judge and the victim no longer control our mind. Our minds become fertile for intense and active love and a new dream is born. We are energy and as we increase consciousness we can use this force for good—not abuse and enslavement towards women and children. And men become free of being the abuser or wrongdoer."

From Warrior Love. 

My Purpose in writing warrior love.

"My life’s purpose
I am a man whose life is dedicated to assisting myself and other people to know it’s okay to love yourself – , especially when life is tough.Throughout forty years of work, I have been privileged to witness a climate of new beliefs being sown in the garden of people’s minds and an incredible ability to find an inner power to change their lives against all odds for the better. Simply, I teach humans (by being a willing conduit myself) to love themselves by replacing beliefs that are based on lies.  I teach them to sow the belief that they can freely choose to support a new life of love, truth, creativity, and peace. I am constantly learning from each person I work with, so I am continually working on my dark corners, as you will read in this book….
My calling
I invite you to come to a place where all the questions you’ve ever asked yourself are answered from deep inside the emerging authentic you.
I journey to the power within. I believe this wise, all-knowing power can help us dissolve lies we have heard and believed about ourselves and about how life needs to be lived just to fit in to a so-called norm. Everyday reality can dictate our reactions to life, and the “to do” lists become seemingly endless. Whereas a retreat to the desert enables each of us to see more clearly, open the heart of our mind, and reveal the fundamental truth that we are vast miracles of love in the making. I feel truly challenged to rise above all limitations and go through a healing process of change. I invite you to join me. Hopefully, you will come through the journey with some insights about your ability to find love deep inside you and heal what has stopped you from being connected to this whole-hearted you. This is a book for men, but also for women—both adults and teenagers. Yet I am so aware that we men can feel so alone and often protect ourselves with appearing okay, yet crying out for love inside. I want to serve men by saying it’s truly okay to love you; to let you know you can change your life by learning love as an inside job! I want to share the possibility that male energy can be truly self-healing.

As I relay my story, I ask one favor: Will you please suspend your judgments? Watch those critical thoughts; you may learn something about yourself, your beliefs, and your possible prejudices inside your subconscious mind. You may fear what I may say about myself. Well, I ask you to go beyond your surface reaction and dive deeper."
A daily excert  from my book Warrior Love. 

Human punishment!

Warrior love asks:

 Why do animals punish only once, while we humans can punish others and ourselves thousands of times with our thoughts and feelings? Could we learn to forgive quickly or do we seek vengeance? Does this bring real justice and a safer world for our children’s children?


“Wake up Roger!” My old teacher said to me. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself and live now!” What I believe is we really wake up when we realise love is who we are and we feel its presence in ourselves and everywhere at the same moment of time.

Love your thoughts!

RETREAT

The Power of Retreat

I want to invite all who read Warrior Love to go on a retreat with me into the desert of your lives, where possible negative secrets you have bought into, whether consciously or unconsciously, throughout your short or long life come to the surface. A retreat is a place where you can take yourself out of the daily life of job (or no job), listening to news, watching TV, reading newspapers, playing on computers, and dealing with people. Here, you live with your evolving truth. All the great teachers went into the desert to re-find the truth of what they believed beyond all conditioning. Your retreat to find your truth maybe to meditate, go for a walk. It might be in your kitchen, your bedroom, the little room, the bath, or a garden hut. I have often retreated to my own counseling hut. You could be in a mental prison or an actual institution of despair.  I ask you: “Can you find your retreat, somewhere safe to learn and be conscious of being the real you? Then embracing changes you see in the mirror of your life.”

My love Roger