Children grown up! Now what?

Healthy secure attachment is an experience we all seek. Yet over time in marriage, both parties change, especially when one party usually the woman, has given her life to nurture the children.  And the father and mother ask what next? What have I got to look forward too? What have I achieved?
Do I still find myself attractive and /or my partner?

How do we make a transition that can be healthy for each individual, parents and the grown up children?

I ask the question in Warrior Love how do we cope with the syndrome of children grown up now what?

When you feel emotionally like the most important person no longer finds you attractive, not just in physic, but mentally, what do you do? 

These questions can burn a hole, in the heart of a relationship, no matter how strong it was when committed to child rearing.

We are living longer and in the western world we have a growing level of expectations of what we need to make us happy emotionally, spiritually, sexually and in our creative contribution.

I ask in Warrior Love, can one person throughout 30/40 years of marriage meet these often contrary and changing needs?

I believe when our emotional attachment to our partner is threatened in any way, (especially in our 40-50"s) do we need to automatically return to a base line, of territorial jealousy and wanting to control.

This default maybe from our early childhood conditioning. Fear of loss and abandonment will lead to rejection of self and the other. This can create a massive drama inside us that erupts in secret affairs, or a deep need to go on courses of growth and loving who we are, reading books that say we have every right to love ourselves and be the creator of a new life. We learn to meditate, we learn so many new strategies that rebirth our miracle for loving life.

We must re-invent ourselves and cut off from the past and let our energy flow into new relationships and creative ways of being. All this is good, except we can take our unresolved hurt from our long standing relationship into every new experience, still trying to recreate what we had before when we felt safe in our attachment.


It is like a new teenager returns to the floor and dances to a whole ray of chaotic emotions and sometimes all sense goes out the window.

I (with my ex-partner, I cannot speak for her) am in this massive transition of life, love, pain, regret and all the emotional ups and downs of feeling persecuted as a father, and professionally. My paranoia is sometimes real when family just see me as hurtful and crazy!
Yet, I want to find a peaceful and true transition through all this change. Which in turn is surrounded by massive global weather and economic change.

I ask you the reader of this blog: What has helped you make positive and authentic strides through Children grown up! What next? Thanks Roger