Love as a reward or punishment? Or is there another more natural way?

I listen to many people, as a counsellor and group worker.  I hear  people talk about love and what it means to love. What I hear is a kind of love that turns on and off by people as a reward and punishment. This love can be for themselves or another loved one.

Love cannot, I believe, be turned off and on, as punishment or reward. It cannot be turned into a hook and on that hook is a bait. 
"Be a good boy or girl and I will love you!"
This feels like an imitation love. If I use love as a threat, then that will come back multiplied in people leaving me.

The real deal love, I believe comes from the heart of the mind, body and soul. When we don't love our true self, often we can flip into only giving love as a reward or punishment. This does not mean all love allows abuse to go unchecked. Love does point to consequences of hurtful actions and then love can be withdrawn. 

Love allows anger, sadness or pain to be expressed and released. If I withhold love because I am not getting what I want and I say:
"I will only love you if your good!" Or "If you love someone else I will leave you." Or 'You must promise never to leave me!" These statements become threats, and not I believe real heart love.

These threatening kinds of love, create a kind of co-dependant love. Where emotional blackmail comes down the tube of love.

I am experiencing increasing capacity for love as I vibrate with a less conditional love of self and others. Then new people come into my life and teach me even more about the experiences and infinite capacity of love. 

What I am saying in my book Warrior Love, we need a freer way of understanding and expressing love to each other, without so many conditions. So we can learn to share love from a place in our heart, this creates a possible capacity to be open to loving more than one person. 

This does not always mean sexual intimacy, it may mean a deep interconnectedness with others at different times in our changing awareness and consciousness. 

However, our conditioned society with religious injunctions often stops our learning how to handle jealousy and possessive feelings. 
We use judgements like "Cheating" or "Bad boy" or "Slut!" "Bastard." When a man or woman loves more than one person.

These adjectives do not help us learn to open our mind and hearts and change with time. I believe the law of natural attraction is going on all the time and the more we each love honesty and integrity, with a self-love (that is not despised) we will increase our capacity to love unconditionally. 

Love as Dr Anapol says in The Seven Natural Laws of Love:
"We would do far better to realise that love has its own laws to which it always adheres, but these are not the laws we have been taught." 

I ask: Could we learn the natural laws of love that flow naturally and spontaneously and reduce love to a law of punishment and reward? My love to you all. roger (do reply thanks!)