FIRE WALKS CREATE NEW BELIEFS THAT FACILITATE CHANGE!

Fire walks became a time for change!

Do we live in a dungeon of past hurt and fear of future, or a palace of possibility?

When I did my first fire walk, it blew my mind that we could choose to walk on red-hot coals without getting burnt. What scientists say is impossible. Well, we can do it with our mind, body, and spirit, in total harmony. My Chi was higher than the fire’s Chi!

“I am limitless” was my affirmation as I walked across those red coals on a wet night. It was like calling my spirit back. And out of that fire walk came this new affirmation:

“I surround myself with people I love and they love me and we have honest and true friendship!”

I know the two fire walks I did, gave me a massive inner courage, to know whatever comes down the tube of life I can handle it with less lies and self-deception. If I can walk on hot coals and not burn, I can face truth and change myself for the better, without crucifying myself and making myself so wrong. It felt like a process of purification.

FEAR OF CHANGE!

An excerpt from Warrior Love.

Wanting others to change rather than changing yourself

One truth I realize I wanted my partner to change to how I wanted her to be. I felt I would be happy then. But I cannot change anyone, only myself. I know this in theory, yet I denied my power and responsibility to come out and say, “I am changing. It’s time to be honest about who I am and what I need.”

One big lesson I learned is that, when I choose to stay silent and not say what I need in a relationship, I hurt my partner as well as myself. I know now I cannot earn anyone’s approval by hiding behind the deception of getting my needs met elsewhere. And I am not going to beat myself up for changing as a human being.

However, I could have listened to my inner power, which so often prompted me to be truthful. But I was too afraid of the consequences. I thought that by being honest, I would hurt those I loved. This circular thinking deepened my confusion. So, reader, listen carefully to what is changing within you. Remember that the longer you delay being honest, the more hurt will come to you. So many of us—men especially—isolate ourselves, pretending to be okay while running scared inside. We compartmentalize our secret lives. Eventually these secrets unfold, often prompted by crisis, and then we are encouraged to be truthful in every area of life, past and present. Well, my partner choosing to leave me is my prompt.

THE POWER OF RETREAT

I would choose to live on my own and be happy rather than stay in a relationship where we both feel wrong

This is one great benefit of living by myself in a retreat and seeing the negative emotional patterns more clearly. It’s painful to admit this, and yet so freeing. I just picked up The Seven Natural Laws of Love by Dr. Deborah Anapol and read: “You are the source of love. You! Not your husband or your wife, not your lover, not your parents, nor your guru... love is within each of us and radiates outwards.”  Over the years of struggling with where and what is love? I realize it’s an inside job! that can be a truly worthwhile journey.

A lighter story! (But let me be clear—I am now not looking for the perfect woman).

A Sufi Story

Nasrudin met an old friend whom he had not seen for twenty years. They sat together in the cafe and talked over old times.

“Did you ever get married, Nasrudin?” asked the friend.

“No, I’m afraid I didn’t.”

“Why not? I’ve been married many years, and I’ve never regretted it.”

“Well,” said Nasrudin, “I was always looking for the perfect woman. I wanted my wife to be beautiful, intelligent, and sensible.”

“And you never found her?”

“I thought I had, when I was twenty. Her name was Ablah. She was beautiful, just the kind of woman I like, but I’m afraid she wasn’t very intelligent, and her language was atrocious! I was embarrassed to be with her! She certainly wasn’t the perfect woman.”

“Was she your girlfriend?”

“No. When I was twenty-five I met a woman called Bahira. She was good looking and intelligent, but she wasn’t very sensible. She spent all my money on frivolous things, and she couldn’t even boil an egg! She wasn’t the perfect woman either.”

“Were there anymore?”

“Only one. At thirty I met Haddiyah, and she was truly a gift from God! She was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen, and the most intelligent. What’s more she was prudent and sensible, a good cook, and a brilliant conversationalist.”

“She sounds like the perfect woman you were looking for!”

“She was the perfect woman I was looking for.”

“Then why didn’t you marry her?”

“Unfortunately, she was looking for the perfect man!”