COMPERSION! What does this mean?

What is Compersion? A vital step in Warrior Love.

When I first heard that word I immediately thought of a feeling word like compassion!

When in Greece, living in a community, a Professor from Mexico explained Compersion is the “opposite experience to jealousy.” 

The term was coined by the Kerista commune as part of their philosophy of multi-partner relationships.

Here are some definitions:

“Taking pleasure or joy in the action of your partner engaging in a similar romantic or sexual relationship with another person” – Urban Dictionary

“The feeling of taking joy in the joy that others you love share among themselves especially taking joy in the knowledge that your beloveds are expressing their love for one another.” – Polyamory Society.

“The positive feelings one gets when a lover is enjoying another relationship. Sometimes called the opposite or flip side of jealousy. This may coexist with ‘jealous’ feelings.” - Poly Or

Compersion is the “ability to turn jealousy’s negative feelings into acceptance of, and vicarious enjoyment for a lover’s joy.” – Serena Anderlini-D’Onofrio

Learning Compersion

To learn Compersion, I believe takes time and very good communication skills. Our conditioning is so much about ownership, competition, and fear of being replaced, rejection and fundamental religious feelings of going to ‘hell’!

Some people are, I believe, naturally full of compersion. For some it can be an erotic “turn on.”

I would like to hear your response to learning Compersion.

Speaking personally, I feel over time, I am learning to hold both feelings. If my lover comes and gives me more love after being with her lover, I am full of joy. Yet I can feel jealousy however not drowned by these old emotional drama feelings. 

I now feel a sense of freedom from a negative emotional pattern that I learnt so young from my mother’s anger at my father’s secret affairs that he always denied.  This drama was often played out in front of us children.

Truth about my open polyamorous nature is a vital ingredient for my ability to learn and experience Compersion.  I want any partner (primary or not) to be truthful. This I have leant the hard way!

What are your thoughts feelings and experiences around Compersion

Questions to think before COMING OUT!

Questions to ask you when thinking of COMING OUT! From Opening Up by Tristan Taormino

·      How much does your open relationship affect your daily life?

·      How might the people you love react to the announcement that you are non-monogamous?

·      How important is it that the following people know you are non-monogamous, family members, friends, co-workers, neighbours?

·      How would you feel if all or some of the above rejected you?

·      What kind of job do you have? Would being open put your job in jeopardy?

·      Do you have children? Are there potential custody issues?

·      What is the general social, political and religious climate where you live?

·      Do you have support groups especially if coming out goes badly?

Personal insight:

With hindsight I would have loved to read these questions before publishing Warrior Love.    

Press Release for launch of WARRIOR LOVE

PRESS RELEASE: www.warriorlove.org

DO I DARE TO READ WARRIOR LOVE?

The picture of a God-like muscular man with arms outstretched, standing on a slip of sand with blue sky and sea going far into the distance, is an enticing metaphor for this book that asks us human beings a revolutionary question?

“Could humanity make a huge shift in consciousness and realize we are more naturally polyamorous than monogamous?”

Reading this searching question by the author, Roger King, made my stomach feel kicked with excitement and fear at the same time.

 How dare he ask such a touchy question to my comfortable little world?

 How dare he ask me to consider a secret fantasy?

 Could I love more than one woman at the same time and be honest to both women?

 How dare he ask me to bare my soul to be open about my secret desires and fantasies? And then, in all pertinence, allow those women to also have the same freedom as me?

Yet, there was a part of me that was curious to purchase this book, to read and turn the pages. I wanted to explore how Roger came to this anti-mainstream state of honest self-disclosure.

Warrior love unfolded a warrior man who earned his stripes through 65 years of life; going through two marriages and listening to many hurt and abused souls in his profession as a counsellor.

I found the quiet revolutionary genius that had survived tough parents and years of working with ex-prisoners and the mentally unstable.

 I found a man willing to risk everything: His reputation as a therapist; his marriage; children; and the loss of respect of his friends and neighbours.

I found myself uncomfortable in his truth of “coming out” like a gay man in the 20^TH century.

I could hear the gossip of people around this contentious book; the wonderful hypocritical people who cast religious stones at people like Roger – yet have plenty of secrets to hide themselves.

I wondered, could I write such a truthful book as a critical journalist, if I separated from a hurt angry wife after almost 25 years of marriage?

 Could I admit to having secret affairs? And still love myself enough to write such an honest book?

 Could I bare all to a world media that could appreciate me one day and crucify me the next?

 Could I, a man, trust myself to be open, and become a warrior of love rather than a victim of fear? Could I dare to be me? Or will I stay safe and hidden in marriages of boredom and just cast out the Rogers of the world into a desert of crazy men?

I dare you to read WARRIOR LOVE! Come to Waterstones bookshop Wakefield on Friday 11^th April and meet Roger signing between 12-2pm.

Becoming Open To 'Open Love!'

"Warrior love is about creating a culture where it is safe to be open and honest about our ability to love openly—not hiding and hurting others and losing integrity. I ask: Can we shift in consciousness about our (apparently hard-wired) jealous feelings if our partner is attracted to someone else?

 What would our society be like if each of us took our personal power to share more openly, communicating honestly about our emotional and sexual needs, without vilification? Nearly everyone learns, in our monogamous society, that spouses have exclusive rights to each other. We are conditioned to feel that if our partner is interested in someone else we will be replaced—or that it is a personal rejection of ourselves.

Imagine a culture where your partner’s attraction to another created increased pleasure, joy and intimacy for you. Would jealousy be such a monumental experience of destruction? So warrior love asks each of us to look at the questions: 

How does jealousy affect me? And what can I do about it? Must I feel ashamed for having jealous thoughts? However, I could learn with openness and deep sharing, not to let those feelings swamp me.

The need for good male mentoring:

A news report informed us that there is an increased awareness of sex at much younger ages, and one concerning consequence of this is increasing non-consensual sex (rape) —especially around the poorer estates in cities. With [often young] men, being in a confused mind set to grab intimacy through rape, this is such a signal that there is never a better time, I suggest, for learning “warrior love”—where we teach and mentor positive ways to love our self and then love each other. 

We no longer blame anyone, especially our parents, partners, or ourselves. We dissolve our parasite of negative domestication. We become aware with active consciousness to transform our lives through fewer lies with open living. 

We learn to manage trauma, intensity, and unequal sex drives, with less jealousy and addictions. The judge and the victim no longer control our mind. Our minds become fertile for intense and active love and a new dream is born. We are energy and as we increase consciousness we can use this force for good—not abuse and enslavement towards women and children. And men become free of being the abuser or wrongdoer."

From Warrior Love. 

My Purpose in writing warrior love.

"My life’s purpose
I am a man whose life is dedicated to assisting myself and other people to know it’s okay to love yourself – , especially when life is tough.Throughout forty years of work, I have been privileged to witness a climate of new beliefs being sown in the garden of people’s minds and an incredible ability to find an inner power to change their lives against all odds for the better. Simply, I teach humans (by being a willing conduit myself) to love themselves by replacing beliefs that are based on lies.  I teach them to sow the belief that they can freely choose to support a new life of love, truth, creativity, and peace. I am constantly learning from each person I work with, so I am continually working on my dark corners, as you will read in this book….
My calling
I invite you to come to a place where all the questions you’ve ever asked yourself are answered from deep inside the emerging authentic you.
I journey to the power within. I believe this wise, all-knowing power can help us dissolve lies we have heard and believed about ourselves and about how life needs to be lived just to fit in to a so-called norm. Everyday reality can dictate our reactions to life, and the “to do” lists become seemingly endless. Whereas a retreat to the desert enables each of us to see more clearly, open the heart of our mind, and reveal the fundamental truth that we are vast miracles of love in the making. I feel truly challenged to rise above all limitations and go through a healing process of change. I invite you to join me. Hopefully, you will come through the journey with some insights about your ability to find love deep inside you and heal what has stopped you from being connected to this whole-hearted you. This is a book for men, but also for women—both adults and teenagers. Yet I am so aware that we men can feel so alone and often protect ourselves with appearing okay, yet crying out for love inside. I want to serve men by saying it’s truly okay to love you; to let you know you can change your life by learning love as an inside job! I want to share the possibility that male energy can be truly self-healing.

As I relay my story, I ask one favor: Will you please suspend your judgments? Watch those critical thoughts; you may learn something about yourself, your beliefs, and your possible prejudices inside your subconscious mind. You may fear what I may say about myself. Well, I ask you to go beyond your surface reaction and dive deeper."
A daily excert  from my book Warrior Love. 

Human punishment!

Warrior love asks:

 Why do animals punish only once, while we humans can punish others and ourselves thousands of times with our thoughts and feelings? Could we learn to forgive quickly or do we seek vengeance? Does this bring real justice and a safer world for our children’s children?


“Wake up Roger!” My old teacher said to me. “Stop feeling sorry for yourself and live now!” What I believe is we really wake up when we realise love is who we are and we feel its presence in ourselves and everywhere at the same moment of time.

Love your thoughts!

RETREAT

The Power of Retreat

I want to invite all who read Warrior Love to go on a retreat with me into the desert of your lives, where possible negative secrets you have bought into, whether consciously or unconsciously, throughout your short or long life come to the surface. A retreat is a place where you can take yourself out of the daily life of job (or no job), listening to news, watching TV, reading newspapers, playing on computers, and dealing with people. Here, you live with your evolving truth. All the great teachers went into the desert to re-find the truth of what they believed beyond all conditioning. Your retreat to find your truth maybe to meditate, go for a walk. It might be in your kitchen, your bedroom, the little room, the bath, or a garden hut. I have often retreated to my own counseling hut. You could be in a mental prison or an actual institution of despair.  I ask you: “Can you find your retreat, somewhere safe to learn and be conscious of being the real you? Then embracing changes you see in the mirror of your life.”

My love Roger

CHOOSING AUTHENTICITY! A DAY IN THE LIFE OF 'COMING OUT!'

Choosing authenticity is not easy. E Cummings wrote,

“To be nobody-but-yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make everybody but yourself, means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight, and never stop fighting.”

When I first wrote Warrior Love I thought I was crazy to admit “I am a naturally Polyamorous man.”

However, I had not been honest. I had hidden my ability to be deeply connected to various women (and men) not always sexually, but emotionally.

When we choose to be true to ourselves, the people around us will struggle to make sense of how and why we are changing. Partners and children do feel fearful and certainly unsure about the changes they are seeing.

Some will find inspiration in our new commitment; others may perceive that we are changing too much, too radical maybe, even abandoning them and holding up an uncomfortable mirror.

The risks of coming out!

Yesterday, I was cut dead by a person who was, I thought, a friend. I then went for a walk with a close friend, who gave me caring feedback about my work as a therapist. This revealed some of my blind spots about my challenging style! I thanked and hugged her for her deep insights.

Then, with my film crew friends, I was supported, yet given feedback I was not to be on a website as Warrior Love was too controversial for the group who run the website.

Then my grown children challenged me about the book and film on YouTube and how it had hurt them. I admire their honesty and willingness to meet me. They lovingly gave me feedback as they took their belongings from the house. Their strong love came through the feedback and I felt connected to their souls. I do love them and I am sorry for the hurt and I ask forgiveness.

Then the universe gave me a blessing that I will buy a caravan at Nostell Priory that needs repair for a price I could afford, once the house is sold.

This was followed by a dear client who visited and we had a deep session, that lifted me to realise I am able to be there for others even when life is tough.

Lastly, I felt such deep rejection and doubt of “coming out”, that I rejected love from a lover.

Sometimes, when we push the system, the system pushes back with a cruelty and shaming response. I meditated and realise the humble path is to find a new tribe where I feel welcomed.

I know I am strong, but if rigid, in my self criticism I will break into pieces.

Connect please:

So I now bend with an authentic heart, that will keep “coming out,” but not with a know-it-all attitude. I will listen to feedback and do my best not to hurt others' feelings.

I would love meaningful connection. 

My love Roger

PS I wonder what the universe has in store for me today?

Children grown up! Now what?

Healthy secure attachment is an experience we all seek. Yet over time in marriage, both parties change, especially when one party usually the woman, has given her life to nurture the children.  And the father and mother ask what next? What have I got to look forward too? What have I achieved?
Do I still find myself attractive and /or my partner?

How do we make a transition that can be healthy for each individual, parents and the grown up children?

I ask the question in Warrior Love how do we cope with the syndrome of children grown up now what?

When you feel emotionally like the most important person no longer finds you attractive, not just in physic, but mentally, what do you do? 

These questions can burn a hole, in the heart of a relationship, no matter how strong it was when committed to child rearing.

We are living longer and in the western world we have a growing level of expectations of what we need to make us happy emotionally, spiritually, sexually and in our creative contribution.

I ask in Warrior Love, can one person throughout 30/40 years of marriage meet these often contrary and changing needs?

I believe when our emotional attachment to our partner is threatened in any way, (especially in our 40-50"s) do we need to automatically return to a base line, of territorial jealousy and wanting to control.

This default maybe from our early childhood conditioning. Fear of loss and abandonment will lead to rejection of self and the other. This can create a massive drama inside us that erupts in secret affairs, or a deep need to go on courses of growth and loving who we are, reading books that say we have every right to love ourselves and be the creator of a new life. We learn to meditate, we learn so many new strategies that rebirth our miracle for loving life.

We must re-invent ourselves and cut off from the past and let our energy flow into new relationships and creative ways of being. All this is good, except we can take our unresolved hurt from our long standing relationship into every new experience, still trying to recreate what we had before when we felt safe in our attachment.


It is like a new teenager returns to the floor and dances to a whole ray of chaotic emotions and sometimes all sense goes out the window.

I (with my ex-partner, I cannot speak for her) am in this massive transition of life, love, pain, regret and all the emotional ups and downs of feeling persecuted as a father, and professionally. My paranoia is sometimes real when family just see me as hurtful and crazy!
Yet, I want to find a peaceful and true transition through all this change. Which in turn is surrounded by massive global weather and economic change.

I ask you the reader of this blog: What has helped you make positive and authentic strides through Children grown up! What next? Thanks Roger

What Do You Believe People Think About You?

"What do you believe people think about you?".

Self-image may consist of three types:

Self-image resulting from how the individual sees himself or herself.

Self-image resulting from how others see the individual.

Self-image resulting from how the individual perceives others see him or her.

These three types may or may not be an accurate representation of the person. All, some or none of them may be true.

When writing Warrior Love, I experienced these theoretical frameworks in reality. To come out and say; "I am possibly a natural Polyamorous man!" Was

a hard and not easy admission.

To change how I see myself at 65 years of age, was a monumental internal and external change. I risked loosing my partner, the respect of my children, my professional colleagues, friends and to feel an outcast. Rather like a leper being sent to an island.

How do others see me? 

I cannot comment on this until I ask for people to tell me. So in risking publishing Warrior Love, I am asking people for their feedback. I risk critical beliefs from fundamental religious quarters to a whole range of individual internalized values that each individual holds.

How do I see others perceive me? My first thoughts:

1. That I am trying to excuse my adulterous behaviour. That all I want is more sex.

2. That I am living in an illusion. To even think that humanity could ever change in how we cope with feelings of jealousy, possessiveness and a need to control your partner. To question exclusivity of marriage is vital "sin."

3. That people will always keep sexual preferences a secret. That to expect humanity to be honest about being open with all partners, which is what Polyamory is about, is expecting too much.

Finding a new tribe to belong to:

To let go of a tribe or family that you belonged too, is a very hard transition. To come out and say I am Polyamourous in basic nature ,is risking ridicule, gossip and the pressure of prejudice that gay men and women have endured for years. I am learning to empathise with many ethnic groups on how difficult it is to feel safe, where skin colour is obvious. 

I ask myself at times is it all worth it? Am I martyr? What fun do I get from this? The answer is I am attracting people who accept me as I am, whether they agree or not. They just love me as I am.

I may risk everything, my ex-partners rage and her pain, my children's disapproval, home, security of work. I hope that in time we will be friends and acceptance and a new kind of love will build.

I do believe that if humanity is going to make some leap in consciousness I want to champion peoples need for freedom of being who we truly are, and not ending up in the strictures of secret lives that live in a kind of silent hell!

i do see as we learn to love ourselves from a place of deep respect, our true needs and character will emerge and our energy and vibrational needs will change over time. The marriage vows I believe need to change as we change over time. Can we expect one person to meet all those needs. No! We need a new awareness, consciousness and transformed way of being true to ourselves and those we love.

I cannot tell you the reader how to live your life, all I want is an honest sharing between people about how we could allow heart love to expand our ability to love more than just one person. I call this warrior love.

Please give feedback.

Some facts around Polyamory.

My first book called warrior love is to start a debate on the question: 

Can we learn as a society to be more open to change and embrace this change within our intimate relationships?
Or will we be having more divorces and separations through people changing in their values and energies around emotional intimacy and sexuality? 

Statistics show we are marrying less and divorcing more. We are living longer and our emotional, social and sexual needs change over time.

Could we choose to educate ourselves around being positively "open to change in relationships?" Polyamory being one choice that requires each party to be open and honest.

One in seven separations comes from secret affairs being found out between primary partners.  Often it is the children who experience and feel the hurt and pain between their parents, and the woman taking the brunt of child care. 

With awareness and creative wisdom I ask: 
Can we stop blaming our partner or ourselves for needing different people at different times in our life? 

What happiness and pleasure are we missing by feeling such guilt and shame because we change in our spiritual, sexual and emotional needs over time?
What is the option I am talking about in my book Warrior Love?

 This is what Wikipedia says: 

"Polyamory, often abbreviated as poly, is often described as "consensual, ethical, and responsible non-monogamy." The word is sometimes used in a broader sense to refer to sexual or romantic relationships that are not sexually exclusive, though there is disagreement on how broadly it applies; an emphasis on ethics, honesty, and transparency all around is widely regarded as the crucial defining characteristic.

The term "polyamorous" can refer to the nature of a relationship at some point in time or to a philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender or sexual orientation). It is sometimes used as an umbrella term that covers various forms of multiple relationships; polyamorous arrangements are varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals involved. Polyamory is a less specific term than polygamy, the practice or condition of having more than one spouse. (The majority of polygamous cultures are traditionally polygynous, where one husband has multiple wives. Polyandrous societies, in which one wife has multiple husbands, are less common but do exist.[5]) Marriage is not a requirement in polyamorous relationships. The "knowledge and consent of all partners concerned"[6] is a defining characteristic of polyamorous relationships. Distinguishing polyamory from traditional forms of non-monogamy (e.g., "cheating") is an ideology that openness, goodwill, truthful communication, and ethical behavior should prevail among all the parties involved.[7][8] As of July 2009, it was estimated that more than 500,000 polyamorous relationships existed in the United States.[9]

People who identify as polyamorous typically reject the view that sexual and relational exclusivity are necessary for deep, committed, long-term loving relationships. Those who are open to, or emotionally suited for, polyamory may embark on a polyamorous relationship when single or already in a monogamous or open relationship. Sex is not necessarily a primary focus in polyamorous relationships, which commonly consist of people seeking to build long-term relationships with more than one person on mutually agreeable grounds, with sex as only one aspect of their relationships. In practice, polyamorous relationships are highly varied and individualized according to those participating. For many, such relationships are ideally built upon values of trust, loyalty, the negotiation of boundaries, and compersion, as well as overcoming jealousy, possessiveness, and the rejection of restrictive cultural standards.[10] Powerful intimate bonding among three or more persons may occur. The skills and attitudes needed to manage polyamorous relationships add challenges that are not often found in the traditional "dating-and-marriage" model of long-term relationships.

 Polyamory may require a more fluid and flexible approach to love relationship, and yet operate on a complex system of boundaries or rules. Additionally, participants in a polyamorous relationship may not have, nor expect their partners to have, preconceptions as to the duration of the relationship, in contrast to monogamous marriages where a lifelong union is generally the goal. However, polyamorous relationships can and do last many years."
Now let us look at the term that raises a lot of emotional hackles!

"Infidelity (also referred to as cheating, adultery, or having an affair) is the subjective feeling that one's partner has violated a set of rules or relationship norms and this violation results in feelings of sexual jealousy and rivalry (Leeker & Carlozzi, 2012). Infidelity is a violation of a couple’s assumed or stated contract regarding emotional and/or sexual exclusivity (Weeks et al., 2003, p. ix).[1]

What constitutes an act of infidelity is dependent upon the exclusivity expectations within the relationship (Barta & Kiene, 2005). In marital relationships, exclusivity expectations are commonly assumed although they are not always met. When they are not met, research has found that particular psychological damage including feelings of rage and betrayal, lowering of sexual and personal confidence, and damage to self-image can occur (Leeker et al., 2012).

A person's self-image is the mental picture, generally of a kind that is quite resistant to change, that depicts not only details that are potentially available to objective investigation by others (height, weight, hair color, gender, I.Q. score, etc.), but also items that have been learned by that person about himself or herself, either from personal experiences or by internalizing the judgments of others. A simple definition of a person's self-image is their answer to the question 
"What do you believe people think about you?". 

Self-image may consist of three types:

Self-image resulting from how the individual sees himself or herself.

Self-image resulting from how others see the individual.

Self-image resulting from how the individual perceives others see him or her.

These three types may or may not be an accurate representation of the person. All, some or none of them may be true.

A more technical term for self-image that is commonly used by social and cognitive psychologists is self-schema. Like any schema, self-schemas store information and influence the way we think and remember. For example, research indicates that information which refers to the self is preferentially encoded and recalled in memory tests, a phenomenon known as "Self-referential encoding".[1] Self-schemas are also considered the traits people use to define themselves, they draw information about the self into a coherent scheme.[2][3]

Adultery (anglicised from Latin adulterium) is a type of extramarital sex. Interpretations of what constitutes adultery vary widely, as do the religious and legal consequences of the acts in question.

The term adultery has an Abrahamic origin, though the concept predates Judaism and is found in many other societies. The definition and consequences vary between religions, cultures, and legal jurisdictions, but the concept is similar in Islam, Christianity and Judaism.[1]

Historically, adultery has been considered to be a serious offense by many cultures. Even in jurisdictions where adultery is not itself a criminal offense, it may still have legal consequences, particularly in divorce cases. For example, where there is fault-based family law, it almost always constitutes grounds for divorce; depending on jurisdiction, it may be a factor to consider in a property settlement, the custody of children, the denial of alimony, etc. Moreover, adultery can affect the social status of those involved, and result in social ostracism in some parts of the world.

In countries where adultery is illegal, the punishments range from fines to the death penalty. In the 21st century, criminal laws against adultery have become controversial, with international organizations calling for their abolition, especially in the light of several high profile stoning cases that have recently occurred in certain countries. The head of the U.N. expert body charged with identifying ways to eliminate laws that discriminate against women or are discriminatory to them in terms of implementation or impact, Kamala Chandrakiran, has stated that: "Adultery must not be classified as a criminal offence at all".[2] A joint statement by the United Nations Working Group on discrimination against women in law and in practice states that: "Adultery as a criminal offence violates women’s human rights".[3] Some ultra-conservative Islamic societies with sharia law may implement stoning as punishment for adultery.[4]" (Wikepedia)

So the debate will go on and I hope to champion this debate for people who hide in secret affairs and eventually get found out, with hurt often carried for years. I would love your comments. Roger

TRUST MEN?

Sitting in my quaker hotel listening to the spring birds and the quiet roar of London traffic; I feel a sadness and an elation at being a man at a personal growth conference called "Ignite! I can Do IT!

I feel so close to success in writing my truth, in my book Warrior Love. Where my ego had to face the end, a parting from a beautiful woman, that I had lied too about being a Polyamorous man. A dark night for my ego!

At the conference understandably I feel a slight suspicion against me coming out as a natural male lover of self from the beautiful women who attend this Ignite conference. 

I feel female energy watch me on guard!

"Who is this man that wears bright clothes? He looks old enough to be my dad, yet he moves like a teenager!" A tap on the shoulder 

"I am curious I want to talk to you says a lively beautiful woman!"

For me it feels like coming home to where I belong. To the Hay House community of mainly women who are searching for their true empowerment and creativity. The women are amazingly strong and self-assertive.  

"Men Come Out!" I cry inside, "Where are you?"! It always saddens me that at personal growth conferences, whose theme is learning to love oneself, there are so few men. There are a few great man speakers that enthral me.
I feel sad when men are so often creating possible wars within themselves of loneliness and grabbing love from outside themselves.

Connection: The beauty I love in human beings is wanting to connect deeply with people I meet. I sit next to a lovely Italian woman and she tells me her story of two men who have hurt her. My heart hurts and I ask inside myself.  "Where are you men? Why won't you learn to love you and be great lovers and truly come from your hearts?"

On this Sunday spring morning I feel I want to ignite a world of men to be real with one another and search their hearts for huge unconditional love.

IGNITE A VISION:
Men can we create miracles of love not war, and end our enslavement to being isolated and drugged with negative conditioning? I believe we can be great fathers, brothers, lovers and be trusted. We can stop lying and be with our truth. We can listen and match the empowerment of women and appreciate their inner power to heal this world. I love women like Louise Hay who ignite women and men to be all they can be.

My intention is to work increasingly with men who lie to themselves, who believe they are unloveable and have to grab love from women and possibly children. 

I feel increasingly a roar from this beautiful earth:

"Men love me! Don't destroy me!"

We men can turn our hearts, our minds to love rather than hate. We can ignite love not fear. We can forgive our whole gender for making choices that bring hurt and misery. We can ask our angels of love, to open a portal to the male consciousness. We can connect to being emotionally, spiritually and sexually literate. We can ignite love not war. I love being a warrior of love! Would you men join me? The world is crying out for men to love and for give that love to women and children and our beautiful planet.

My love is to serve! Roger King Warrior Love

Love as a reward or punishment? Or is there another more natural way?

I listen to many people, as a counsellor and group worker.  I hear  people talk about love and what it means to love. What I hear is a kind of love that turns on and off by people as a reward and punishment. This love can be for themselves or another loved one.

Love cannot, I believe, be turned off and on, as punishment or reward. It cannot be turned into a hook and on that hook is a bait. 
"Be a good boy or girl and I will love you!"
This feels like an imitation love. If I use love as a threat, then that will come back multiplied in people leaving me.

The real deal love, I believe comes from the heart of the mind, body and soul. When we don't love our true self, often we can flip into only giving love as a reward or punishment. This does not mean all love allows abuse to go unchecked. Love does point to consequences of hurtful actions and then love can be withdrawn. 

Love allows anger, sadness or pain to be expressed and released. If I withhold love because I am not getting what I want and I say:
"I will only love you if your good!" Or "If you love someone else I will leave you." Or 'You must promise never to leave me!" These statements become threats, and not I believe real heart love.

These threatening kinds of love, create a kind of co-dependant love. Where emotional blackmail comes down the tube of love.

I am experiencing increasing capacity for love as I vibrate with a less conditional love of self and others. Then new people come into my life and teach me even more about the experiences and infinite capacity of love. 

What I am saying in my book Warrior Love, we need a freer way of understanding and expressing love to each other, without so many conditions. So we can learn to share love from a place in our heart, this creates a possible capacity to be open to loving more than one person. 

This does not always mean sexual intimacy, it may mean a deep interconnectedness with others at different times in our changing awareness and consciousness. 

However, our conditioned society with religious injunctions often stops our learning how to handle jealousy and possessive feelings. 
We use judgements like "Cheating" or "Bad boy" or "Slut!" "Bastard." When a man or woman loves more than one person.

These adjectives do not help us learn to open our mind and hearts and change with time. I believe the law of natural attraction is going on all the time and the more we each love honesty and integrity, with a self-love (that is not despised) we will increase our capacity to love unconditionally. 

Love as Dr Anapol says in The Seven Natural Laws of Love:
"We would do far better to realise that love has its own laws to which it always adheres, but these are not the laws we have been taught." 

I ask: Could we learn the natural laws of love that flow naturally and spontaneously and reduce love to a law of punishment and reward? My love to you all. roger (do reply thanks!)