Warrior Love: Warrior Love Insights!

Warrior Love: Warrior Love Insights!: New insights from the “emerging me” I recognize how much I desire close psychological contact with others. I recognize how much I need ...

Warrior Love Insights!

New insights from the “emerging me”

I recognize how much I desire close psychological contact with others. I recognize how much I need to care deeply for another and to receive that kind of caring in return. I recognize, rather dimly, that my deep involvement in counseling was a cautious way of meeting this need for intimacy without risking too much of myself. Now I feel a whole new depth of me can be gained if I dare to risk giving more of myself. A capacity for intimacy has attracted hurt, yet an even greater share of joy, laughter, and love. I realize now that my hurt is a sign of being open and receptive to healing and learning.  I may trigger someone else’s hurt if I am intimate with that person. However, I am not always responsible for his or her painful feelings.

How has this affected my behavior? I have developed more intimate relationships with men. I can now share with men, and listen to men, on becoming more aware and conscious. I loved hearing from one man in a Heal Your Life group, when he said: “Roger, you are so much easier to be with when you give of yourself just as you are; I trust you and feel I can risk being just me!”

I feel this new emerging me is an adventure, and I can be in much more intimate communication with women with whom I have platonic, however, psychologically intimate relationships, and these have tremendous meaning and purpose for me. With these people I can share many aspects of myself—the painful, joyful, crazy, and egotistical parts of me.

How does Our Culture see Polyamory?

How does our culture see polyamory?

Counselors and therapists often know very little about polyamory (I certainly did not until I started to read books like Dr. Anapols’s book Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy with Multiple Partners. I also attended a polyamory workshop in Greece.)

Many people may fall back on considering polyamory to be an aberration, a pathology to be avoided or “cured” (as people used to consider homosexuality). I quote from The Polyamory Handbook by Peter Benson:

A common myth in our predominantly Judeo-Christian culture in the Western hemisphere … has been there is only one traditional or “standard” way, one valid and healthy and right way, for people to conduct their loving relationships and that is a pairing of one man and one woman.

To read more download on kindle WARRIOR LOVE 

Transparency means less Hooks & Lies

Becoming a transparent congruent person.

When I hide any deep personal change in me from others, whom I want to be intimate with, it opens a wound in my heart and also in the person’s heart that I love. (Because I know intuitively when my partner makes love to another, I know somewhere in my soul this has happened.) So then my body tells me, it’s time to tell the truth, but somehow I rationalize the falseness I feel, and tell myself it will go away. Then the dis-ease in my mind, body and soul can become worse and my body shouts to my mind, tell the truth. One of those truth’s is me becoming a man who loves intimacy, that includes consensual sex with another (but I did not tell my primary partner). This secret has hurt my partner and I am truly sorry.

This action undoes trust in self and from those who love you. So now I face the truth and learn a much harder lesson. My wife is choosing to leave me. I have brought this upon myself and I take full responsibility for this. I want to learn warrior love that is honest right from the beginning and not hide that I am a natural polyamorous man.

Some Quotes from RELATIONSHIP LITERACY AND POLYAMORY: A QUEER APPROACH by Dr-Anya Trahan

I met Dr Anya Trahan via Facebook when she read Warrior Love and she asked me to answer questions on her studying open relationships and here is a quote that caught my heart:

"Thus, to be polyamorous (“poly” for short) is to believe that abundant love, connection, and support is possible within spiritual, sexual, emotional, and/or intellectual relationships between honest, communicative, consenting human beings. As an orientation toward being that is an alternative to monogamy (but not necessarily “against” monogamy—for the relationship style of monogamy is a valid and beneficial choice for some), a key tenant is the notion that it is possible to ethically and responsibly love more than one person simultaneously.2 However, a polyamorous person may identify as such no matter what actual form their relationship(s) take. In other words, one does not have to have multiple romantic partners to identify as poly (e.g. sometimes unattached single people self-identify as polyamorous, as a way to signal a general stance of openness to the world and all its possibilities). 

I like this definition: And later Anya quotes Anderlini-D'Onofrio 
The definition I like best is given in the glossary of Sexuality:

"Polyamory is a state of being, an awareness, and/or a lifestyle that involves mutually acknowledged, simultaneous relationships of a romantic and/or sexual nature between more than two persons. . . . Polyamorous people can be exclusively lesbian, gay, or bisexual, yet their efforts to get past the limitations of monogamy erode set binarisms, including the myth that being part of a closed dyad is the only authentic form of love." (Anderlini-D’Onofrio, 2004, p. 165) 

Insight: I love it when people contact me with their thoughts on Warrior Love or Open relationships! And I thank Balboa Press for daring to publish this 'touchy' subject. Blessings Roger

THE MONK & THE WOMAN

The Monk and the Woman

Two Buddhist monks were journeying from one monastery to another when they came across a beautiful, but timid, young woman standing by a river bank, rather frightened to cross the swift flowing river. The elder of the two monks offered to carry her across, and she readily agreed. She climbed up on to his shoulders, and he waded across, leaving the woman, dry and thankful, on the other side.

The two monks continued on their way, but the younger of the two was very disappointed in the older monk’s behavior. Had he forgotten that he was a monk, and that he shouldn’t touch any woman, let alone a beautiful young woman? What would people say? Did he not know the rules of the order they both belonged to? And so on. The young monk’s lecture lasted for a few good miles.

Finally, unable to take any more, the older monk interrupted the flow of criticism and said to his companion: “Brother, I left the girl by the riverbank. Are you still carrying her?”