Early
times
From a very young
age, I knew only the fear of raised voices and the violence I heard in those
screams. I was the youngest of three children. My mother wanted a boy after two
girls. So at least I was wanted! (Unfortunately, many clients I have worked
with felt they were rejected in the womb!)
When I see a photo
of myself at nine months of age, on the lawn at home, I see looking back at me
a very scared little boy who was going to do his best to survive. I chose a set
of parents who were in a “war marriage.” By this I mean that my father proposed
to my mother when he was going off to war, which he never did. Instead, he went
to Canada, where I think he met many women and realized his prowess as a sexual
man; so he returned from the war, like so many men (and women) do, a very
different man from the one who proposed to my mother. However, my mother was
pregnant, and in those times the honorable thing had to be done.
Both parents had
experienced a vast array of childhood abuse on both sides of their families,
and this eventually played out in the way my sisters and I were parented It is interesting that I have spent
forty-three years of my life listening to abused men and women. Is that why I
chose my parents? And they chose me? I did find this difficult to accept—the
fact that I actually chose my parents. (Many metaphysical teachers now believe
that’s how it happens). I do now see that my childhood experiences have
assisted me in my work and hopefully helped me be non-judgmental and authentic
to the hundreds of clients who chose me to unburden their stories and make
sense of an old saying: “When you know the true history, everything makes
sense!” It does not excuse wrong behavior of any kind, yet it can help us see
the real person behind such poor actions. This reminds of the Buddhist story:
The Thief Who Became a Disciple
One evening, as Shichiri Kojun was saying his prayers, an intruder
entered his house and, holding a big, sharp knife to the holy man’s throat,
demanded his money or his life. Shichiri, unruffled, said to the thief, “Don’t
disturb me. Can’t you see I’m busy? There’s some money in the draw over there.
Take it!” Then Shichiri went on with his prayers. As the thief was stuffing the
money in his pocket, Shichiri shouted. “Don’t take it all. I’ve got some bills
to pay tomorrow.” The intruder, surprised at encountering such a strange
response, left some money behind, and as he was leaving the house, Shichiri
called after him, “Isn’t it good manners to thank a person when he gives you
something?”
“Thank you.” said the thief, and off he went.
Some days later, the authorities caught the thief, and he confessed all
his crimes, including his offence against Shichiri Kojun. When Shichiri was
called as a witness for the prosecution he said, “As far I’m concerned, this
man is no thief. I gave him the money, and he thanked me for it.” The man was
jailed nevertheless, but on his release from prison he went to Shichiri and
became his disciple.”
