LIMITING BELIEFS

Limiting beliefs in our culture can create divorce and separation

I know I still love my present partner, yet our lack of alternative models of intimacy, and the limiting beliefs we have been “domesticated” by, tell us that “open relationships” can be too difficult. I realize I need to be careful with whom I share my beliefs with, because society’s limiting beliefs about sexuality and open relationships can be so full of assumptions and pain around the subject.

Let me say that I never regret attracting my present partner. I take full responsibility for my lack of awareness and consciousness about being (possibly) a natural polyamorist. I don’t want to hide; I want to be real. How about you?

Choose beliefs that support you, including beliefs about God

Here is a very important suggestion from Louise Hay: “Get a concept of God that supports you!”

I love this thought. My religious upbringing did give me one benefit—it got me out of the house on Sundays, for peace. My parents came once to church; they thought it would be good for us children to go to church and have a religious education!

My spiritual journey has, at times, been very disciplined. And then it waned, as I felt there was always basic criticism and fear at the heart of religion. In my opinion, fear based religion develops from the reaction of souls who have not learned to love themselves! (That could start a conversation!) I could not cope with feelings of being so wrong and guilt ridden when I came out of church services.

As a counselor, I listened to so many stories of adults having been sexually or spiritually abused in so-called religious families as children. I could not match what Jesus said with what came out of the mouths of “often angry pulpit priests” (whose own childhood was very suspect) and what truly was going on in reality. The Roman Catholic Church is facing a deep truth about the celibacy of their priests leading to sexual and emotional abuse. Please hear me: I am not against religion; yet I do feel each of us is naturally highly spiritual, and we don’t need an “expert” middleman or woman. Enough said.

Insight: Gratitude is very healing. Giving thanks frequently gives me spiritual awakening and real joy. I love to wake up giving thanks for my breath, my body, my family, my bed. Now I can authentically be full of gratitude for my parents! Wow, that feels so good! What could you give thanks for? So much more joy and love will come your way if you are grateful for what you have. I even give thanks for those who judge me harshly about being open to loving more than one woman. Here’s a little Persian story that says a lot about experts and ego:

The Sailor and the Teacher

Ayra earned his living by taking people on short boat trips. He came from a nautical family, and although he’d never had any formal education, he had learned all about sailing from his father and grandfather.

One day a schoolteacher, who fancied a few hours at sea in order to rest from the rigors of the classroom, hired him. He’d not been on Ayra’s boat long before he asked: “What do you think the weather’s going to be like today, Ayra?”

The sailor assessed the strength of the wind, examined the sky, looked at the sea and then said, “I think we is going to have a storm.”

The teacher looked shocked. “What? Can’t you speak properly? You shouldn’t say ‘we is.’ You should say ‘we are’! Didn’t anyone teach you grammar?”

“I’m a sailor,” replied Ayra. “What do I need grammar for?”

“Because, if you don’t know grammar, half your life is wasted!” the teacher sneered, as he settled down to read his book. Within minutes, and just as Ayra had predicted, the storm clouds began to gather, and the waves became choppy. Ayra became anxious as the boat was tossed on the rough sea.

“Did you ever learn to swim?” asked Ayra.

“Why should I learn to swim? I’m a schoolteacher!”

“Well then your whole life is wasted, because this boat is going to sink any minute now!

Here’s another little story about the arrogance of assumptions:

The Ship and the Lighthouse

The ship’s captain, seeing what appears to be another boat coming towards him, radios: “Unidentified vessel, you are on a trajectory that is going to collide with us. I suggest you move.

The reply: “Captain of the ship approaching, I suggest you change your course.”

Captain of the ship: “I’ll have you know I am captain of a very large ship. I insist that you move.”

Reply: You may be a big ship, but I’m a lighthouse—your call!”