HONESTY ABOUT OUR SECRET LOVE LIFE CAN BRING PEOPLE AND SOCIETY CLOSER TOGETHER!

Publishing warrior love with Balboa Press I want the book to serve one major purpose:
To assist all the millions of people who have secret affairs, to come out! The longer we keep secrets of the heart the more we hurt ourselves and all we love. In warrior love, I suggest an alternative to this "touchy" subject. I suggest could humanity be open honest and discover Polyamory rather than monogamy.
The book is my personal journey to be wise and brave with all loved ones involved.   That out of the tough situation of holding all kinds of secrets, good experiences can come. It is scary for all kinds of reasons why we stay secret, especially around affairs! These are some:

·     We may loose love from our partner and our own self-respect.

·     We maybe rejected and abandoned.

·     We may loose our home and financial security.

·     We may loose respect from family, our religion, and our community.

·     We could be gossiped about at work, even loose it.

I have had all these fears and the biggest, was hurting my partner and my grown up children and the women who I had affairs.  Losing their friendship left a great gapping hole of shame and guilt opening up before me. However I am strong enough to learn from this and not become a whipping post for those people who are holier than me. From listening to people for years I have never met a perfect person. 

How does our past conditioning excuse us to keep secret about what we need, that our partner does not give us? 

·     Our conditioned belief from negative childhood messages, especially, if you were abused in any way. The internalized message is: “Don’t tell! Don’t ask for what you need! Don’t rock the boat! Don't trust!"

·     I hear so often from women they are fed up with the man having little emotional intelligence. Once married, men can forget to romance their woman. They feel unable to say; “You are beautiful! What has your day been like?” Then listen, and appreciate. 

·     Many men have told me they find a kind of satisfaction from porn rather than asking the partner for what they need.

·     The mirror effect, when there is lack of trust and low self-esteem between partners, it can lead to a kind of mirrored stalemate. You stay with what you know and just complain and gossip about your partner. This can become so destructive. Then you attract friends who say you should leave him or her. And hurt joins to hurt. When we keep secrets it has the potential to destroy us and we put our life on hold and live in fear.

Law of Attraction.

However, the law of attraction is always going on. I believe we cannot help being attracted to different people at different times in our lives. We are living longer. A so called affair can wake us up to what we love about ourselves. Yet how honest is honest? Can we choose to be real with our unmet needs and actually agree with our main partner, we need new relationships and that is agreed and carried out openly to help all parties keep their integrity?

Monogamy can equal comfortable monotony!

Many women tell me they have an extra child they are mothering, their husband. Often I have listened to client’s saying how comfortably boring life is in monogamy and that it has stopped a rich love life. What goes on behind locked doors is a kind of stagnant hell. So off they go to attract a person who can satisfy that unmet need. If this is secretly done I know what the cost is to my life and everyone I love.

When we embark on a secret affair or our main partner attracts a lover does this mean we love them less or they love us less?  This maybe true or it could lead to a new revitalized relationship where you truly talk and start realizing you have lived different parallele lives and now it’s time to positively change. Or you separate with awareness and friendship. 

Open relationships could be the beginning of renewing our main relationship. This requires courage, wisdom and a willingness to risk unlearning our negative beliefs around sex and intimacy and knowing you have a chance to learn a whole new way of being and living in the now and welcome change!

Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway.

 To be open about our capacity to love more than one person at the same time is I believe, taking a huge step in raising our energy and our consciousness.  It could mean we can truly love our main partner more deeply and not take them for granted. Or we choose to leave and be what we need to be.

What are the benefits of open relationships?

I believe Polyamory (loving more than one person whether single or married) brings the freedom to be truthful to all parties concerned. Polyamory is saying; we are moving from monogamy to open honest discussions about opening our ability to love more than one person in life. It stops the mental inner self-talk:

“YOUR MINE & I AM YOURS!”

This possessive controlling mental agreement made after marriage, I believe, is a lie we agree to when young... or possibly any age. The peer pressure is so strong. The religious conditioning is so strong. It is interesting that at one time sex before marriage was severely frowned on by society. Now it is okay even in some religious circles. Yet sex after marriage with anyone else, is severely punished by divorce and a legal profession that loves making money from our pain. Can we not learn warrior love and be honest that we grow and change over time and we may open our relationship to others. And be true warriors of love and not kill ourselves with guilt, and the sin that so many different Gods from varied religions would have us swallow?

Polyamory is asking us to make a paradigm shift in awareness and consciousness. Where we don’t lie, we say what we need and we listen to what our partner needs without being judge and jury.

Polyamory is not necessarily about sexual intimacy; it can be just deep emotional sharing.

Do we judge our partner for having close friends?

I know the balance of right and wrong is difficult in this “touchy” area. I know it is tough when we have secrecy about an “affair”. I know we must find and learn other more open ways to be honest.

Does having sex with someone else mean you love your main partner any less?

My belief is when you love someone sexually and you are honest about sexually loving someone else to your main partner, it does not necessarily mean you love your main partner less. I believe if we become open about our different needs and when we all share, we can reassure all involved they are not loved any less. We may return from our outside love and give even more love to our main partner. This to me is warrior love. A kind of compersion. Where we begin to dissolve jealousy and we learn to re-wire our thinking that if our partner is happy and they take responsibility physically and emotionally, a kind of unconditional love is born. Can you imagine having a warm glow inside your heart that your partner is going to love you even more when they return from another person who you have met and like? That would be a monumental shift of consciousness and transformation. Maybe we have to take small steps!

My Lesson is to trust being open and honest.

My biggest lesson is not to keep secret my secret affairs. The fear was I would hurt my loved ones and others. This complex fear is, I believe, so prevalent in our society today. To a point where we are modeling to young people, don’t get married, because they fear not being unable to trust their love and anyone’s love towards them. This is why I love teaching people who are willing to love themselves from a place of authenticity and deep wisdom. They come from a place they are truly responsible for their experiences and stop blaming partners and own what they attract to them, especially tough experiences.

Trust builds on honesty

This maybe an assumption, however I believe trust in an intimate or any relationship builds on authentic honesty.

I want to champion before I leave this planet a wholehearted warrior love that can empathically inspire new types of relationships, with new levels of intimacy. I would love feedback, even if you make you right and me wrong. I am strong enough to take what you give, if it comes from you truly thinking in your own mind and not just regurgitating what you have been programmed to say. I ask you to read Warrior Love out now. Thanks.

My love & support Roger King